If the only feelings you have are pain, anger, and hurt and they are all turned inward, you will do anything to find relief, and the thought of suicide will become your constant companion. I identified with this pain from my teenage years up until my early to mid-twenties. If you have been a victim of childhood abuse, domestic abuse, or have been raped or subjected to the ravages of war, then you know what this suicidal ideation looks and feels like. It can be a debilitating type of pain that keeps you locked in a world of constant hyper-vigilance, trying to survive. This type of pain is acute, but can also be chronic.
Severe Pain Caused by Abuse/Trauma (Rape, War, Assault) Personally, I have contemplated suicide over all of three. You may identify with one or with all of them. I have come to believe there are three common reasons people want to kill themselves. What Leads Someone to Want to Take Their Life? You are not alone no matter how alone you feel. Live or die? Which will you choose? I’m hoping that you choose to listen to what I’m saying and that you choose to live. I literally said to myself, “Carrie, you either kill yourself today or you need to do whatever you need to do to get better, because this is no way to live.” That was the moment I decided to take back control of my life. The unrelenting emotional pain had become too much, and I was drowning under its weight. One day, in my early twenties, I got to a point where I couldn’t bear it anymore. I know deep down that was what I really wanted. I am guessing what you really want is for the pain to stop. All day.īut did I really want to die? Do you? I don’t think you really want to die. I was already dead inside, so what was the point of actually living? Those men took my soul. I had constant nightmares about men trying to kill me and about fires consuming me. I had no idea what was really wrong, but I was monumentally pissed off. What I couldn’t block out was the misery, anger, and hatred.
When the abuse stopped, I blocked it out. Starting when I was four or five until I hit the age of twelve, two separate men molested me on a regular basis. My date with death started when I was thirteen. While you live, you have the power to change things, even if it feels impossible. But I know you don’t have to make that date with death.ĭeath is forever. I’m not sure what brought you to the point of wanting to die. If you are reading this, then you know what I’m talking about. I know the soul crushing despair and longing to fade into nothingness. Try as you might to remember how a person lived his life, you always end up thinking about how he ended it.” ~Anderson Cooper TRIGGER WARNING: This post deals with an account of sexual abuse and may be triggering to some people.
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